How To Help Someone With Depression
I was quite proud of the internet last week. With the exception of some truly reprehensible trolling on twitter, the the internet generally reacted to Robin Williams’ suicide in the best way possible: by starting a dialogue about the nature of depression and suicide prevention.
“We have to do more to prevent such tragic deaths through greater awareness of mental health issues, warning signs, effective interventions and treatment,” wrote the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). “Suicide is preventable and we all have a role to play to end the tragedy of suicide.”
Depression and suicide are major issues in this country. According to To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA), 9.7% of Americans suffer from a mood disorder, such as depression, and a suicide occurs in the United States every 13.7 minutes. Yet, many people fail to understand a fundamental truth about depression: it’s not a choice, it’s an illness. Perhaps that seems obvious to some but the unspoken assumption that sufferers have the power to simply “turn it off” or “cheer up” manifests in how people act towards depressives.
Film critic, Lindsay Ellis, wrote a blog post about depression in response to the suicides of Williams and a personal friend. In it, she describes her own battle with the illness and lists several well-intended but detrimental comments she’s heard over the years. They include:
“We need to get you better, and keep you that way.”
“Let’s hope that this never happens again.”
“Do you not see how much this is hurting me/your family/others?”
But you’re so pretty! What do you have to be sad about?”
All of these comments are predicated on the assumption (consciously or subconsciously- it doesn’t matter) that people suffering from depression have control over their mental state, that “getting better” is a matter of willpower and that feeling sad or allowing one’s depression to impact friends and family is selfish.
And that’s just not true.
Depression can’t be reasoned away, nor can it be cured entirely, so talking to depressives as though it can be isn’t helpful.
“You don’t expect Type 1 Diabetics to get cured despite diet and exercise, so why would you expect the same from a depressive despite the fact that they lost weight and got a promotion?” Ellis writes. “It is like chronic pain. It is something you live with your entire life, it is woven into the very fabric of your being.”
That’s not to say that you shouldn’t reach out to depressives, of course, but it’s important to know how. When talking to friends or family members who are depressed and contemplating suicide, AFSP recommends listening to what they have to say and expressing empathy rather than simply trying to talk them out of it.
“Show concern and compassion by saying, ‘Things must really be awful for you to be feeling that way,’” AFSP suggests. “Let them know you are there to listen. Encourage them to share what they are feeling. Let them know that people sometimes feel like there is no answer, but that treatment can help them to feel better.”
You can also partake in TWLOHA’s new campaign “No One Can Play Your Part.” The concept behind the campaign’s name is simple. “We want people to know that their life matters, and their story is significant,” TWLOHA explains. “More than anything, we want people to know that it’s okay to be honest, and it’s okay to ask for help.” In addition to tagging relevant posts with with #NoOneElse14 and #WSPD14 you can participate in “No One Can Play Your Part” by purchasing a World Suicide Prevention Day Pack that includes a shirt, bracelet, poster print, and pack of info cards (or purchase these items individually). This paraphernalia is intended to “equip you to talk about suicide prevention in your community,” spread awareness and offer hope to those who are struggling.
Depression is not an insurmountable mental illness, but it can feel that way to both depressives and their loved ones. It’s especially important after the death of someone like Robin Williams, to remember that it’s not. The best way we can combat this illness is by educating ourselves and others so that we can be there for those who are suffering. It might not seem like much, but it could make all the difference … and it’s all we can do.